General, Personal, Relationship

Who is Mr. Right ?

Some people get to know it at once, while the others deal with many doubts to make sure whether he is the Mr. Right. But, in either way their hearts talk to them at some point.

I enjoy spending time alone, even though I depend on my surroundings at times. I want to be single. But, there are many times which I have thought about Mr. Right.

Whenever I think about him, my head fills with thousands of questions; “How will I know that he is the correct guy?”, “How can I be sure that he is the person to spend the rest of my life with?” While searching for an answer, I realized that no one will ever know. You never can find answers to all those questions which pop up in your mind.

I have heard many people saying, “Your gut feelings will recognize the correct guy,” What? Did you say ‘gut feelings’? Which means ‘instinct’? No…. Neither your feelings nor your instinct will tell you who the right guy is.

When you hold a person’s hand, thinking to get old together, you are definitely making a very serious decision. In every decision you make, there is a risk. Hence, the decision you take to walk down the aisle with your Mr. Right has a risk too.

You may be a person who thinks, that people don’t change. But, we all have met even one person in our lives who is not as same as before. The world is as that. Things change as well as the people. Sometimes you may have to face situations which you feel that your Mr. Right is not acting like him. It’s normal, actually, very normal. This fact recalls one of my past experiences. There was a guy who broke my heart, even after dating for 8 years. Surely as most of you say, my ‘gut feeling’ said that he was the Mr. Right. But, it ended up with tears and hard feelings after many years of happiness and smiles. It took time for me to recover, but, after some time I managed to forgive him and myself, then I moved on.

I couldn’t blame him or myself for the ‘change’ which tore us apart. As a fact I know that we both changed because of the environment around us changed with time. It was not the same as the days we first met. He started being busy with his business, while I was busy building my career and eventually, we both didn’t have much time for our relationship.

I have seen many couples with this same story. Counting on all those situations, my question for you is, Can you love the same person in the same way as the days you first met each other even after many years, let’s just say 5 or 10 years? I am asking the same question from the married couples too.

Sometimes their story is a little different. Not all but some, lose the time, interest and love towards each other once the children are being born. They totally forget about their feelings towards each other until, one day, something cross their mind and they start feeling that something is missing in their lives. I have seen some people getting married just because the girl gets pregnant, and they don’t even stop for a while and think, whether they are ready to spend their life together.

Don’t misunderstand my view about relationships. I have nothing against it at all. What I have figured out is that once you both have decided to be one person, you should know that things will change for better or for worse and only the adaptation for situations can save you from this. I am not saying that love, passion and attraction do not matter. They really matter a lot, but, if you know to adapt to the changes which come along, you will have an easy road to walk together in the journey of your life.

I have seen many couples grow old together facing the good times as well as the bad, with that same smile on their faces. Again on the other side, I have seen couples, growing apart for reasons such as career, studies and family. The problem here is, are you ready to let the person you love so much, go and make their dreams come true? Are you ready to adapt and sacrifice? Do you have enough strength for that?

There are many reasons for couples to get disappointed about each other. One is the age. The couples who get together in their middle ages are facing a problem with their huge amount of life experiences. They tend to look at each other through the filtered glass they have built up by that time. Hence, the things started appearing wrong and disappointing for them.

Next is the personality. Even though the couples are very happy to know that both of them have the same interests, the psychology says that people who are different from each other lives happily than the similar ones. The main reason is that the much similar your personalities are, that much bored you will get with each other after a while.

Then next comes the most important thing. It is being judgmental. Why you want that perfect person, when you yourself aren’t perfect at all? Why do you reject a person just because he/she is a little shorter, darker or fat than the ideal girl in your mind? I would like to say only one thing about this, ‘rigidity never pays’.

If you feel your marriage is too sensitive and fragile, put a good effort to protect it. You may have seen how a mother protects her infant, without letting him get hurt and cry. The same rule applies in your relationship too. Love is love afterall!

I think it is really hard to commit to a person for a long time, because with the time you forget the vows and you lose the interest. Then, how about an idea of renewing your marriage or the relationship once a year or once in two years? I think it sounds great! All the time, you will feel like newly married or as if you have just started dating?

The irony is not lost on me that my greatest fear – committing to someone forever – is still my focus. I would rather be saying “I do” for that stipulated amount of time and renew the vows each year.

 

 

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14 Comments


  1. YoGi

    December 4, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    Agreed and Agreed…

    I believe being in this day and time, we are more independent than our parents, or earlier generations. Being out of house, more adventurous about our career decisions has not only made us stronger to survive in society as singles but also made us get over the fear of being alone. There are many happy couples, but every one of them has wondered at least once their life, “I could have done *this* or *that*, had I been single”.

    In the end I think this whole Mr. Right and Perfect Girl dilemma is highly overrated, and as you rightly said, it’s all about adapting to change.

    I swear I wanted to write one about the same topic, but now… you didn’t leave anything for me to write. 🙁

    Reply

    • Maggi

      December 7, 2009 at 6:56 am

      I think you can still write… I know you have ur own opinions and views on the same thing. Maybe when time permits………

      Reply

  2. […] : Meghana What : Who is Mr. Right? Spicy : Most of the women at some point in their life may get this question in their mind […]

    Reply

  3. Gyanban

    December 5, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    There isn’t a Mr.Right or Miss Right…there s just a Mr/Ms. workable and one has to work hard to make it as close to Mr.Right or Ms. Right as possible.

    Reply

  4. The Survivor

    December 5, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    You are very much sorted with regarded to marriage.

    The truth is nothing stays constant. If the other person does not change you might.

    I guess one needs to take a chance. Sometimes the Mr. Right needs to be accepted with little imperfections too.

    Reply

    • Maggi

      December 7, 2009 at 6:55 am

      I don’t deny that…

      Infact i was a strong believer of this quote which goes like – Keeping love alive involves a lot of hardwork, nurturing and sacrifice, understanding and nver taking each other for granted. It means not just finding a perfect person, but learning to love an imperfect person inspite of all the faults and blemishes.

      It just sounds too rosy and cliched now.. as times have changed.. i have changed… he has changed.

      Reply

  5. tina

    December 6, 2009 at 11:04 am

    hi,

    i could never figure it out when people say, “He’s the one”. i wonder how some people find their perfect one and others don’t. Luck, karma, destiny no clue.

    I completely agree on you checklist point. Seriously, everything is in the external traits these days. Nobody cares about the grey matter or about being well read/spoken. Its all about the mnc you work for, the money you make, your favorite weekend hang out. Globalization makes everyone too cool for their own kind I reckon! Seriously, meeting anyone with such a checklist is plain ridiculous and pathetic. But that’s what everyone does. It’s a phenomenon. Off late, there is a monologue running in my head that marriage is over rated. No offense to anyone. I am completely for the institution of marriage but i think its importance and its core value is over rated in India.

    You mite have a little laugh from this 🙂
    http://tinamaryrajan.wordpress.com/2009/12/03/single-its-the-mingling-thats-troublesome/

    Reply

    • Maggi

      December 7, 2009 at 6:40 am

      Hi Tina,

      Your post was indeed hilarious ! 🙂 I’ve those same thots as u shared…. Moreover i was Anti-Marriage or wanna be Single type for quite sometime now until off late…

      I am totally with you about Marriage being over rated in India….

      We have become a shorcut society.
      Wanna get a PR? Get married.
      Wanna shut nosy parents and relatives up? Get married.
      Want financial security? Get a husband.
      Want a free maid? Get a wife.
      Want a kid? Get married.
      Oops, I’m gonna have a kid. Get married.
      Suddenly doesn’t feel right? D I V O R C E
      Perhaps the remote control and the toaster can be blamed.

      At times i’ve also pondered that if given a choice i would be with someone minus a marriage. The fact that either of us could leave the relationship at any time and don’t would say a whole lot. If he does find someone “better” it will probably be because the other person IS better…for him, or that we just outgrow each other. I don’t think its a stigma to not marry and still have a partner. I think its ones own preference. Also being alone isn’t the same as lonely. I would rather hang out with my amazing friends, some married and some not. As long as I have my friends and family I can never be alone !

      Reply

  6. Ravan

    December 6, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    Hey that was excellent post, totally agreed. You can never change for anyone. People spend ages to hunt for the perfect blend and finally end up wid nothing.

    Nice one.

    Hi, Sid here.

    Reply

  7. Ketan

    December 7, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Good post.. I dated a girl for four years and got married to the same girl 🙂 But after marriage it has never been same like those four years. I agree that change comes both internally and externally. The entire key for a man to be a close to becoming the Mr. Right is less ego, patience & genuine care. In India marriage is mostly forced by parents and not only marriage but so are kids. You do kids just because your parents want it or most of your frnds already have kids.

    I am now going to search your blog archives 🙂

    Reply

    • Maggi

      December 7, 2009 at 6:10 pm

      Hey Ketan – Sorry to hear abt the changes that’ve come into ur life and i second those elements required to nurture the relationship ! Give it sometime, mebbe things may start blooming again !

      Reply

      • Ketan

        December 8, 2009 at 3:11 pm

        Just posted a new comment instead of replying to your post…

        Reply

  8. Ketan

    December 8, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    Thanks Maggi… I am not complaining and life has been good to me… I am happy since me and my wife changed but for good.. we now are more caring towards each others and there is less friction… so its not bad… but there are phases.. when we are down… one of us tries to cheer up the life… so it goes on and on… I am happily married with my share of ups and downs… 🙂 and it happens to everyone… just that some people cope with it and some do not…

    Reply

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