Some people get to know it at once, while the others deal with many doubts to make sure whether he is the Mr. Right. But, in either way their hearts talk to them at some point.
I enjoy spending time alone, even though I depend on my surroundings at times. I want to be single. But, there are many times which I have thought about Mr. Right.
Whenever I think about him, my head fills with thousands of questions; “How will I know that he is the correct guy?”, “How can I be sure that he is the person to spend the rest of my life with?” While searching for an answer, I realized that no one will ever know. You never can find answers to all those questions which pop up in your mind.
I have heard many people saying, “Your gut feelings will recognize the correct guy,” What? Did you say ‘gut feelings’? Which means ‘instinct’? No…. Neither your feelings nor your instinct will tell you who the right guy is.
When you hold a person’s hand, thinking to get old together, you are definitely making a very serious decision. In every decision you make, there is a risk. Hence, the decision you take to walk down the aisle with your Mr. Right has a risk too.
You may be a person who thinks, that people don’t change. But, we all have met even one person in our lives who is not as same as before. The world is as that. Things change as well as the people. Sometimes you may have to face situations which you feel that your Mr. Right is not acting like him. It’s normal, actually, very normal. This fact recalls one of my past experiences. There was a guy who broke my heart, even after dating for 8 years. Surely as most of you say, my ‘gut feeling’ said that he was the Mr. Right. But, it ended up with tears and hard feelings after many years of happiness and smiles. It took time for me to recover, but, after some time I managed to forgive him and myself, then I moved on.
I couldn’t blame him or myself for the ‘change’ which tore us apart. As a fact I know that we both changed because of the environment around us changed with time. It was not the same as the days we first met. He started being busy with his business, while I was busy building my career and eventually, we both didn’t have much time for our relationship.
I have seen many couples with this same story. Counting on all those situations, my question for you is, Can you love the same person in the same way as the days you first met each other even after many years, let’s just say 5 or 10 years? I am asking the same question from the married couples too.
Sometimes their story is a little different. Not all but some, lose the time, interest and love towards each other once the children are being born. They totally forget about their feelings towards each other until, one day, something cross their mind and they start feeling that something is missing in their lives. I have seen some people getting married just because the girl gets pregnant, and they don’t even stop for a while and think, whether they are ready to spend their life together.
Don’t misunderstand my view about relationships. I have nothing against it at all. What I have figured out is that once you both have decided to be one person, you should know that things will change for better or for worse and only the adaptation for situations can save you from this. I am not saying that love, passion and attraction do not matter. They really matter a lot, but, if you know to adapt to the changes which come along, you will have an easy road to walk together in the journey of your life.
I have seen many couples grow old together facing the good times as well as the bad, with that same smile on their faces. Again on the other side, I have seen couples, growing apart for reasons such as career, studies and family. The problem here is, are you ready to let the person you love so much, go and make their dreams come true? Are you ready to adapt and sacrifice? Do you have enough strength for that?
There are many reasons for couples to get disappointed about each other. One is the age. The couples who get together in their middle ages are facing a problem with their huge amount of life experiences. They tend to look at each other through the filtered glass they have built up by that time. Hence, the things started appearing wrong and disappointing for them.
Next is the personality. Even though the couples are very happy to know that both of them have the same interests, the psychology says that people who are different from each other lives happily than the similar ones. The main reason is that the much similar your personalities are, that much bored you will get with each other after a while.
Then next comes the most important thing. It is being judgmental. Why you want that perfect person, when you yourself aren’t perfect at all? Why do you reject a person just because he/she is a little shorter, darker or fat than the ideal girl in your mind? I would like to say only one thing about this, ‘rigidity never pays’.
If you feel your marriage is too sensitive and fragile, put a good effort to protect it. You may have seen how a mother protects her infant, without letting him get hurt and cry. The same rule applies in your relationship too. Love is love afterall!
I think it is really hard to commit to a person for a long time, because with the time you forget the vows and you lose the interest. Then, how about an idea of renewing your marriage or the relationship once a year or once in two years? I think it sounds great! All the time, you will feel like newly married or as if you have just started dating?
The irony is not lost on me that my greatest fear – committing to someone forever – is still my focus. I would rather be saying “I do” for that stipulated amount of time and renew the vows each year.