Everyday, I make small new plans and I used to note them in my iphone. Sometimes it’s a memo and sometimes it’s just a note. Whatsoever, the life with plans never seems to end.
Sometimes I used to ask myself, what and where would I be in another decade. This is a very random question which all of us might be having in our brains, but, I know the answers maybe screwing your mind as it does mine. I was wondering about a way to find what will happen and what will not because at the end of the day, you should know what is the point of all these things?
This question makes me really uncomfortable because I have enough proof and experiences that things don’t last long. I have witnessed it many times in terms of relationships. I really find it hard to put myself into the word “commitment”. When it is about that, I act very different. I may have said and meant that I wish things will last forever, but, actually even I am confused what ‘forever’ really define. As usual I am hunting for the answers and what I have figured out by now is that, wanting to last things forever is one thing and making it a reality is another thing. It all depends on your faith and actions.
Relationships start with a lot of emotions. Some feel the sky is glittering while the others butterflies flying in the stomach. This phase can be called as a blind phase, where people focus on their emotions rather than the real facts. After this phase passes, there comes the time you get to know each other really well. This is the time you either try to adjust with one another or just start conflicts. There were enough times I have given up on relationships for small imperfections, but, now I understand that, than it was their imperfections, it was my imperfection that I could not accept a person as he is. Time taught me a lot of things and showed me how to appreciate and adjust with different personalities.
As now I have understood how to appreciate the inner beauty of a person, the next question comes to my mind is that ‘how long this strong love will last?’ This is not about a decade or two. This is about until the moment I exhale my last breath. I know this sound so stupid and many people will tell, ‘you think too far’, ‘enjoy the present’, ‘leave tomorrow to God’.
One day I woke up in the morning and realized how stupid I was to waste time finding and answer for this question. I realized that, if I really love I definitely would not have doubted how long it will last.
I have understood the real meaning of a relationship and being in love. Therefore, I am not ready to do the same mistakes I have done in my past.
I wonder how ‘commitment’ and ‘tomorrow’ can work together. How a relationship can be if these two are there in it. Then, I look at the married couples and thought, why did they really get married? Is it for true love? Or pressurizing cultural environment? Or just because it is the correct age? I find the real meaning of a relationship lies on the basis of the reason why the couple individually wanted to get married.
Even after marriage, when they have kids, they are becoming busy with completing their children’s needs. Being busy with work and kids are the most important things in their lives and they rarely have time to think about each other. The distance between their hearts starts growing.
After another 20 years, when children have grown up and move out from family and home, there is nothing left, other than the couple and their love for each other. It is hard to adapt to the changes suddenly, as loneliness is an alien for them after spending nearly 30 years with children as a complete family. Now that all those responsibilities have past and you are free and have nothing to do, other than think about your life and your happiness. This will be the time which you will look into each other’s hearts once again.
This will be the time you realize that how far you have gone away from each other. You will spend time thinking what you wanted from each other and searching for the love you had before 30 years. This may make you upset and angry which you will show on another person, mainly on your partner. Sometimes you may try to stay alone wandering about your past and searching for answers.
People will give different terms for this, ‘menopause’ is one of the most common. But, I think it really is not a hormonal problem but just they are feeling lost. The couple now cannot define what they truly wanted when they made the vows to be there for better or for worse and to spend the life together. They were in one house for sure, but were they together in their minds and hearts? What is the cost you are actually paying? Do you still love the person in the same way you did when you saw him/her for the first time?
I have seen many married couples, who are married for decades. They argue, quarrel and they just blast off their temper on each other. But, the worst thing is some couples do not communicate with each at all. Conversations are always about kids, house and mortgages, everything, but about themselves. They lived together for sure, but doesn’t it mean that you should be closer to each other? The worse thing is silence. Both are suffering unknowingly in silence. It is your choice to keep the first step forward and break this “invisible silence” or else to continue it until you or your partner is buried six feet under.
This is why I have a different definition for the word ‘commitment’. If I love someone and want to commit for him, I will make sure that this understanding will stay the same even after another 25-30 years. For me it is very scary to think about a future where I get up in the morning look at myself in the mirror and see myself alone and to be without answers for where I am? And what I am doing? Definitely there should be some sort of solution. Then, I thought, the day I decided to be in a relationship is the day I will say to myself that I will be committed for one year. Just one year and will renew wows every year.
Another thing I will do is I will ask him to look at me and tell me what he really see in me and what he really feels about me deep down inside. This will keep us on track and clear of the road that we both decided to walk on. As long as he is with me, besides me I know the answer will be positive all the time.
My answer for the question ‘how long is tomorrow and commitment?’ I would happily answer it’s not so long, just one year.